Opening the Door to Self-Worth: Confronting Imposter syndrome + letting the good in.

I was recently to lunch with one of my dear friends + also a woman I look up to. I feel blessed to be in her circle, lucky to call her a friend, she is salt of the earth, good people. She's accomplished so much in her life + I take her advice to heart. I trust her guidance, we share a lot of the same/similar values. Our conversations are honest, real + I always leave feeling lighter. We got on the subjects of imposter syndrome, people pleasing, feeling safe to shine, to let your light be seen by others. Giving ourselves that permission + the consistency that it takes with having boundaries with ourselves + others. If you're someone who is calling in an extraordinary amount of good your life, why does it take so much effort?

I noticed something as we were having this conversation. She is someone who exemplifies this, so I was not only listening to what she said, but noticing her perspectives on the world. I observed, she does not complain. At every chance she had it was the opposite. She spoke of her Mom, that she had passed away, I went to apologize but she said, "Oh no, she was the best mom. She had a long beautiful life". She acknowledged the difficulty of her passing. But her focus was on what she had. She began telling me stories of her childhood, memories she had of her mom, being welcoming, kind, open hearted towards people from all different backgrounds. There was always a place for them in her Mother's home. 

She's someone who has definitely had her own challenges in her life. But her focus, it was never on complaining, several times she spoke of what a good life she's had. How blessed she's been! That this is such a beautiful time to be alive. Rooting me on, other women around her, or people who are at the lowest points in their lives, she shares her belief in good everywhere she goes. Never from a high + mighty, self righteous place, only ever from the warmth of her heart + you can feel it. I feel loved in her presence unconditionally, every time I'm with her. 

Why am I sharing this?

She's a bit older than I am, she's in her 60's + she does the inner work of self awareness, she's always growing + learning. She began speaking of feeling imposter syndrome. We talked about not feeling good enough, even after so much evidence to the contrary. To the point that it is factually untrue that you ae unworthy, that anyone is. That you can do so much + not feel good enough. And I realized, this is on -going work. It's not enough to come to the conclusion once or twice that you are worthy. That this is a practice you deepen in regularly. I challenged myself to not complain for a week. I took notice of what it is to intentionally shift + up-level this inner dynamic. I decided to share some of the things that I've found to be helpful for me + share. 

Confronting the imposter + tips to letting the good in:

Understand Imposter syndrome. Feeling like a fraud despite evidence of success or competence. If you weren't capable of it you wouldn't be able to do it in the first place. Feelings aren't truths.

Get inside of you. Internally acknowledge yourself, your accomplishments, stop acting like they don't exist if they aren't seen by the rest of the world. You are the expert. Give yourself the credit, the validation, the celebration. You can be proud of yourself. It's not arrogant. It's loving + kind to see you for who you truly are. It's your job to get you, stop expecting them to get you better than you do.

Challenge negative self talk. Are you your own cheerleader? Do you choose your thoughts? Or do they happen to you? It may be time for a gratitude practice. It's easy to blurt out that we are grateful, but this isn't the same as taking action. You can't read about pushups + get the result. You've got to actively bring it into your lifestyle. Nurture yourself, give encouragement, deepen in your self awareness of who you are. 

Choose wisely who supports you. We live in a time where it's almost more socially acceptable to cut yourself down than it is to be proud of who you are. If you do share your wins, some might think your high + mighty. Know who your people are + celebrate you anyway. Some people may not be happy for you + that can be hurtful. It also shows you who your real people are. Because friends want good to happen for their friends. 

Inner reflection. Are you somebody who is happy for others? It's emotionally intelligent to go here. Am I someone who can praise others or does it make me feel like it's not happening for me in my life? Notice the pattern of comparison + flip it. Rather than being insecure let yourself be inspired. See what's possible for you also + use it as a moment for gratitude. That you have such incredible people in your life. 

Take action despite fear. Take messy action. Sometimes trying to perfect the thing is how you suck the life out of it. You are plenty. When you move forward + believe who you are, the experiences you've had, the life lessons that you hold carry value... You start thinking less about you + more about who you can help. You've already done this your whole life. Remember how scary the first day of school was? Making friends? Doing anything new takes you out of the known. That means you're on the path to a new result. Good. Yay!

It's all in your head.  This one blows my mind every time. It comes down to your beliefs + perspective about you + the world. A lot of the time we are playing out scenarios of things not working out + talking ourselves out of our dreams. We bring ourselves "down to reality" thinking we're being practical when really we are stomping out the inner flame we have that fuels our passions + desires. Fan those flames instead. Let yourself be excited. Trust that you are capable + see where it goes. There is evidence to the contrary if you want proof that your dreams are possible for you. Choose what you focus on. Choose what you're believing. Just because you've practiced a belief over + over doesn't make it true. It means it's a habit that you made. That you can change. 

Get back into your heart, your body. Did you know that overthinking is a protection mechanism? We jump out of the being-ness of our being. Instead of taking in the moment you detach from it, creating space + protection from hurt. It also takes you out of the joy of that moment. So simply being aware you jumped into thinking, is a great step. Then placing your hand over your heart or in the center of your chest. Wiggle your toes. Feel your body. The sun on your skin, the air in your lungs. Allow yourself to be present + choose to take in + receive that moment. Let yourself feel. Ahhhh, good job. There you are. Conscious breathing is great for regulating your nervous system!

Remember you're not alone. We learn + grow throughout our entire lives. So be kind to yourself, notice when your slipping, forgive yourself + get back on track. Being unconditionally loving towards ourselves goes so far. We don't restrict ourselves to wellness, we accept + nourish ourselves there. Being harsh or shaming is the opposite of helpful. Let life be light hearted. Think of how you would be loving + supportive to a child or close friend + lend that encouragement to yourself. 

It was my birthday this past week + as I was wined + dined to the max by my love. It was dreamy, delightful + meant the world to me. Truly, it was perfect. And also, there was soooo much growth.

At times I also felt myself focusing on the negative, what was that? Like a part of me wanted to create some kind of emotional protection for myself. It was so bizarre? I was in heaven but could feel a part of me wondering... Wondering if I was worthy to be loved? As I was being loved. No judgement was here. Purely awareness. 

I knew I was + I know that I am. But sometimes those feelings + that knowledge doesn't seem to line up. I decided to take some deep breaths. I deserved to be present + receive the goodness that was being gifted to me.

I practiced emotional intelligence + some of these steps above, realizing that what I was feeling wasn't true. I just needed to grow my mindset a little bit. I realized there was room to grow in my self love practice + I leaned into the beauty of the moment. I focused on my heart + got out of my head. As uncomfortable as I felt once in a while. I let go of my need to be in control.

I softened. I let myself be present + received the goodness that was there. And I became inspired to share with you here. It took effort letting the good flow but I feel the healing from it. I know I'm worthy of it. And I am unapologetically calling more in. Because I can. I choose to be worthy now. To see myself as the woman who lets this Universe sweep her off her feet. We choose how we interact with each moment. A lot of people believe it's healing to let go of the negative. But we let go of it because it's not who we are, to make room to receive moments like these. 

I trust this is helpful. I hope you have a beautiful day + you let the good flow in. You are worthy! Why not let infinite magic + supply into your reality! Actively choose to let that good grow.

I Love You! -Trina Marie